In this short documentary, I speak openly about what BDSM means to me – not just as a performer, but as a neurodivergent person trying to make sense of my relationship to pain, power, and presence.

For me, kink is how I find clarity. As someone with ADHD, the world can feel overwhelming – too fast, too much, too loud. Pain gives me a way to focus. It’s not just sensation – it’s structure. It holds me still. It lets me connect – to my body, to other people, to myself – with a kind of honesty that’s hard to find anywhere else.

Curtis filmed on Super 8 for part of it – to reflect the analogue feel of the scene – but what I love most is that the film doesn’t feel like it’s about shock. It’s about the why. The trust. The care. The emotional territory behind the practices – wax, rope, impact – all the little rituals we build to hold each other in something real.

This piece felt vulnerable to make. But it also felt true. A love letter to the way kink lets me live inside myself.

Watch The Pleasure in Pain on Nowness